girl on a bike

if weren't for the present-day cars in the backdrop, this picture might feel ageless. set back 50 years, kira still fits. her beauty - timeless, and the soul- ageless.

where would i be, or rather- who would i be without this friend who walks beside me through our joyous and tear stained moments and months? who else could share hanami with me right here, in colorado springs?

i love this girl on a bike, the tears she refuses to hide, the joy simmering in her being, and the fact that i can see God carrying her.

today's grace

came surprisingly, as perhaps it always does. a day when i felt the dark cloud of poor decision hanging over me. a guilt hangover? i had a pounding head as evidence. yet, so much grace found me today. and yes, i know undeserving defines grace and mercy. but still, like a little girl shy to look her dad in the eye when he offers a hug after she's fallen off her bike, i hesitate. embarrassed and unsure, i question forgiveness for a while. and for that pitiful reception of love, i am offered gifts i don't deserve but welcome with open eyes.

first, i discovered a petition on my desk (in the form of a letter with relatively good rationale), written by ben and signed by every student, requesting a morning recess. i found grace in that there was a lack of repetitive requests at the beginning of class. could it be that they are learning that i don't respond to clamor or shameless begging? claiming democratic process and the power of written word- i acquiesced.

at that very recess, maddie asked me to play kickball with the girls. when playing 3rd base i had to run for ball after ball, so she offered to trade spots with me. relief! we had a blast and i got a bit of fresh air and exercise.

unexpectedly another teacher commended my student joe for exceptional participation in a character education class. i usually get the opposite type of comment. a good day amidst many difficult ones for him this week (this year). later joe pulled me aside and proposed a meeting between himself, his dad and me regarding making a new goal regarding his behavior. will wonders never cease?

this friday afternoon in april i expected the highly contagious spring fever to spread among my 6th grade class, but no, instead the day proved calm, enjoyable and focused. we found our storm as we began homer's odyssey with odysseus facing poseidon and his trident in the crest of a wave...

and just before the day came to a close, sarah's mom brought three miniature schnauzer puppies to show the class. those 5 week old little pups received an outpouring of affection from my adoring class. i loved watching some of the boys whose emotions usually lie hidden beneath the surface cuddling the curly haired pups with grins on their faces. grace again.

and then as if enough grace had not already been given, scott met me for coffee at the end of this long day, offering to drive the distance to meet me at school if needed, simply to give me a hug. grace with skin on met me, listened and spoke to my soul.

more than enough.
thank you Father.

juno

after a very talkative ice cream date at maggie moo's with one

hilarious 3rd grader and her delightful 5th grade sister, i knew i couldn't top the evening. but scott and i had talked about catching a flick at the picture show. we checked out what was playing and instantly agreed on "juno" which would start in less than 30 minutes. knowing little of the story, but having heard positive acclaim from several friends, i felt confident in our choice, as we found our seats after the movie had started.

fifteen minutes in, juno had me charmed by her verbal coinage, wit, and wisdom beyond her years. the honest dialogue of her step-mom and dad through her eyes, showed their weakness, but even more a strength of character that drew me, endeared me to their "minnesotan" grit, and had me laughing throughout.

if you haven't seen "juno", you might want to stop reading now, so you won't blame me for divulging...

to me, one of the most poignant scenes of the movie happened right after juno gave birth and lay in the hospital bed exhausted. her dad looked lovingly at her and said, "someday you'll be here again, on your terms", at which point i lost it, and was practically sobbing aloud in the packed theater. moments later, the baby's dad, bleeker, runs in somehow sensing the moment had arrived. juno's dad welcomed him and gave them some space. then, without words, bleeker saw juno, and muddy sneakers and all, climbed on her bed and held her through her smiling tears for what seemed like forever.

later, as scenes from the movie replayed in my mind, this one wouldn't leave. amidst the challenge and pain juno faced for experiencing something she, at 16, wasn't ready for....i saw so much room for healing and wholeness, for juno and for bleeker, and for vanessa, the adoptive mother. then i thought of the choice so many girls quickly make "to nip it in the bud" without even telling the fathers of their little hearbeats, and it seemed to contrast so greatly to that scene, which was literally life-giving to each person in the story.

emo

is a hairstyle, apparently; a longish look popular on japanese men and short for "emotional". all of this was new to me today. the image my mind conjures up is anything but emoting, rather i see angst. but emo describes me today, and i don't mean my own long fringe (B.E. for bangs) irritating me time and again as they slip into my line of vision. rather, the weight of this week and feelings of inadequacy on several fronts try to shed themselves through tears. and for emotion, i'm thankful. the Author of life knew we needed tears and endowed them freely; perhaps he knew He would need them as well. the zen approach to rid oneself of unwanted emotions can lead to the inability to feel anything at all. and when i think of this, i thank God that my heart is moved by sadness and pain and that tears fall from my eyes. the goal is not to empty my soul of all the jumble within, but simply to offer it to my Lord.

365 and counting

one year ago today, a man waited outside in drizzling rain to meet me. a gentlemen who served me at panera bread that first date, which was only the beginning. that april day, i wasn't sure where "we" would go...no flashing lights or heavenly voice fortold the days to come. but in each encounter a depth of character was revealed to me, and new insights into this man suprised me. with his listening ear and kind strength he drew me. this man grasps grace and weeps at the love of Jesus. i find myself grateful for the way my heart opens to him, relaxes in his presence, and sees truth in new light because of his honesty. and my heart whispers to me not to let go. yet i still find myself surprised that this man loves me, but the knowing that his love is real grows deeper in me each day and responds in kind. so, here i am, 365 days of conversations, life stories, new memories, tears and laughter later--- ---still here, and counting.