on this last day of 2008

on friday afternoons before i leave school, i try to clean off the whiteboard in my 6th grade classroom. i don't just mean wipe it off, but actually clean it so that it gleams white and the new week can begin fresh the following monday. a new year feels like that to me. the old one with its laughable moments, delicious memories. tear streaked days, and ah-ha moments has finally come to an end. and instead of being mundane, the cycle of another year offers hope of trying again, and maybe getting a couple of things right this time aroud. someone sent the following questions my way along with thoughts toward goal setting as well. i think i need to start here.


REFLECTIONS:

In 2008

I learned to…trust God more and Scott too.

I grew most in…letting go of fear (though its mostly just the roots growing underground in this growth department, but growth none the less.)

Another way I saw myself growing was…seeing the futility of an ulitmatum.

One of my best adventures was…falling in love.

I saw/knew God was doing something when…the fear fell away and in the words of Sara Groves "something changed".

A real gift from God was…(is) the companionship of life together with Scott in marriage.

Something I really enjoyed doing more of was…kissing. ;)

One of the happiest memories of 2008 I’d like to freeze in my mind…so many to choose from! But I would have to say, (1) one of the happiest was walking into church on April 20th, and seeing Scott worship the Lord with all of his being. In that moment I knew that I desired to spend my life beside this man and no other.
(2) Walking down the aisle and back and seeing so many incredible people who have loved me throughout my life and who blessed Scott and I by coming to our wedding.

I was really brave when…???

Something I’ve grieved about this year was…the deep wounds my friend is bravely and honestly facing while holding on to hope.

I’m still trying to learn what God wants to teach me through this hard experience…attempting to make a difference in the life of a student severely below grade level.

The best word of advice or encouragement I can remember is…from a wise woman at my shower who has been married for 25+ years. She said, "When your husband says something that can be interpreted two ways, choose to interpret it the better way."

One thing I’m looking forward to in 2009 is…learning what it means to be a fun wife, hiking more often, and hopefully snowshoeing!

betting the farm

just over 2 weeks ago, scott and i vowed our lives to each other for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, till we are parted by death. weighty promises, as they should be. the wedding deserves its own post, but i can't seem to capture it in this space. it is set apart as a day when we found ourselves surrounded by all of these amazing people we call our friends, family and community, who came to stand with us as we made these vows, to witness our ceremony and to celebrate with us afterwards. pictures and words can only offer glimpses into the love, hope and blessing that i felt covered and surrounded by.

almost a year ago, i was still deeply weighing this decision to enter into a deeper relationship with scott. as i sought the wisdom of many friends, counselors and authors, one image took up residence in my mind. the author described marriage akin to "betting the farm", meaning that two people making such promises is a huge, risky jump into the unknown. further they went on to suggest that when making vows like those written above, no one can really know what they are promising to. the future remains uncertain. like betting the farm (one's entire life), the expansiveness of the endeavor can't be underestimated, however the people doing the betting had better have a pretty good idea that they are betting on something solid.

it was this idea that helped me realize that if i did want to enter into the realm of marriage, i too would have to take that jump. a few months later, God freed me from the fears holding me back and opened my eyes to see that indeed scott was the man with whom i wanted to "bet the farm". so bet we did, trusting that as we have jumped into the unknown, God will carry us.