examining desire

"What are you looking for?" she was asked.

"I don't know." she said.

"That's your problem - you don't know.

And so your unexamined desires rule you."

Tonight as I read back a few pages through my journal, I came across these words I had quoted from Dare to Desire, a condensed version of Journey of Desire. Three months later, they still ring true. A year ago, I identified with the girl who didn't know. In fact, that phrase often escaped my lips, and still does, though less frequently I hope. Often it followed thoughts or a voiced opinion as if to apologize for possibly knowing or having the audacity to think I might know. It was a dismissal. Last month Scott and I watched and cried through August Rush, but after the movie tears continued to stream, and I recognized in myself the immense desire to KNOW. Such knowing carried the main characters through much difficulty and even persecution; listening and true knowing of their desire and faith led them to their miracle.

Similarly, a blind man named Bartimaeus was sitting by the road begging in Jericho. Jesus and his disciples, surrounded by a large crowd, were leaving the city.

When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." So they called to the blind man, "Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you." Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.

"What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked him.

The blind man said,

"Rabbi, I want to see."

"Go," said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road. (Mark 10)