summer, finally

its funny how strongly i internally reacted when people would ask, "so what are you doing with your summer?" such a seemingly innocent question to a teacher who so obviously has a summer break endlessly stretching before her. and yet, to this first year teacher, its as though i've been swimming underwater and finally have the chance to come up for air. what am i doing with my summer? i'm hoping to breathe, rest, enjoy green grass, blue skies and warm sunshine, take long walks and bike rides, see people i love, and revel in the freedom of absolutely no grading or paperwork.

not that i don't love teaching, actually i find immense joy in opening up the minds of 11 and 12 year olds to shakespeare's plays and other great stories! i find delight in helping them become better writers and answering question after question in science. the growth that happens over the course of 9 and 1/2 months, and the ways my students learn to reach out to others that might be different from themselves are windows into the mystery of life and the heart within each one of us. i walked away a little wiser, hoping to begin my second year with a few changes, but also thankful for this year and those 18 who allowed me to teach them and taught me quite a bit as well.

two weeks ago i said good-bye to my first American class, and i shed more than a few tears. we spent a year together, and i had grown to love each one. i felt like i had a glimpse into the heart of a parent those last few days of school- caring so deeply for each child, and knowing that they didn't have the capacity to understand the depth of my love for them, nor the ability to return it. just a few days later i received my class list for next year, but it was too soon. although my heart wasn't ready yet for these 21 new lives, i spent some time pouring over the list and beginning to wonder about and pray for them. i began to be overwhelmed by the needs and knowing i am simply one person, one teacher among many they will have in their lifetime, and that a year is a relatively short period of time to bring about significant changes.

but in that moment i sensed God encouraging me to put the list away. it is a thing of tomorrow, not today. "don't worry about how you'll teach those kids next year, when the time comes I will help you," He said. its as though i was asking for manna for august while its still june. so i gave the list of 21 to Him. i pray for some of the names, knowing a few of the challenges that i may face, but i keep asking God to hold them for now. i want to live in today, receiving and knowing His mercy is enough for today.

and it is summer finally, both with work and the weather, and this too is His mercy.