fleeting

my whole life i'd heard of cherry blossoms.
but to hear of and to experience sakura,
or perhaps anything, are worlds apart.

the japanese eagerly track the blooms
from the early deep colored petals of the southern islands
to the later pale approaching the mainland.

certain trees hold local fame and charm
elderly limbs supported with crutches
carry the weight of streaming pink flush.

parties and picnics, called hanami,
two words enmeshed - "flower" and "to see"
young and old sit under the showering petals.

from barren winter pink life seems to
suddenly appear on the naked trees
clothing them in pregnant fullness.

within a fortnight as quickly as they came,
the trees can hold this new life no more
and petals are shed to line the streets.

green shade leaves take their place
a new season is promised,
but the days remain chilly a bit longer.

like nothing else i know, sakura speaks
of all things fleeting and gone almost as
quickly as they come - spring, beauty, a life.

flourishing like a flower of the field
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
its place remembers it no more.

but from everlasting to
everlasting the LORD's love is
with those who fear Him.

being sick

being sick levels the playing field.

on monday i came down with a no-name virus. it doesn't carry quite the sympathy of strep or the flu, but it kept me on the couch for a week and my throat still hurts. each morning i woke early to write lesson plans only to discover that i was supremely exhausted, and had to rest again. and that was how each day went, teaching the accomplisher within to settle down and chill.

a reminder that said, "no, you can't do this on your own. you can't get everything done. and yes, let people help you." so went the week, with colleagues helping in numerous ways at work in my absence, and scott tenderly helping me at home.

its hard to be sick, to face a truth that is easier to ignore when we are well. that is that we are limited creatures greatly in need of help.

by thursday i had improved enough to read, so i embarked on lewis' the last battle. i never realized that it won the carnegie award, the highest honor for british children's literature. i hadn't read it since childhood myself, but quickly became caught up in lewis' story of the world's end and the fight of the remaining faithful to Who they knew to be true while so many others were tricked or deceived. revelation come alive.

though king tirian and his unicorn, jewel, weren't sick, they found themselves in great need and cried out to the God he'd never seen and yet believed for help.

and help came.

and hope came.

the maytrees and me

scott and i each took a book with us on our little mountain get-a-way over spring break.

his choice? redemption ark by alastair reynolds. it is classified as a "hard science fiction space opera novel". despite various conversations about the book as he is reading it, i still can't quite grasp this genre. is it really possible that those 5 adjectives really describe a type of novel? space opera. those two together raise the most questions.

needless to say, marriage continues to open my eyes to many wonders that i previously failed to know even existed. my husband enjoys his read, as he encounters various characters not just of the human persuasion with each new chapter. new words escape his lips for which i require definitions. i learn that a "conjoiner" is a human with technology giving them extraordinary possibilities. (my only term of reference? x-men.) the story also touches on political commentary and a few main characters that have become prominent and caught my husaband's interest. i see the science fiction, and yes the location is space, but where exactly is the opera?

my book of choice? the maytrees by annie dillard. what satisfaction to completely read a book within a week's time. what a delight to spend my time reading something written so well that i am caught up into not only the plot, but the beauty of words, attentiveness to the stars and sea, and the internal worlds of the characters. this story spanning a lifetime reads like poetry. the book initially caught my eye because it was about a marriage; it opens in post-WWII Cape Cod with a couple falling in love and soon marrying then living amidst their artistic friends.

so i bought it, not wanting to know anymore, and saved it for our trip. i happily lingered over the first chapters and halfway through found myself devastated. but hope came, as it often does. the poet-husband toby, referred to as maytree, continually pondered the question of what love is. beauty permeated his wife lou. both maytree and lou came into a more profound understanding of themselves alone and in relationship to each other with the passage of time, need and grace. perhaps a bit like love itself, the maytrees drew me in with its beauty, surprised me with its pain, and challenged me at its depth.

knowing i wanted to finish the book before we returned home, my own loving husband put his book down and read to me the last chapter of mine. and better still than any novel (best science fiction novel of the year or even pullitzer-prize novelist) is the the real-time poetic love my husband offers me.

lent bothers me

on wednesday we wore ashes
a black cross of dust
that i kept smudging
bothered my eyes.

standing and kneeling
in an unfamiliar place
being reminded of my death
bothered me too.

no morning edition
no all things considered
distracted prayer
the silence bothered me.

talk of loneliness
purpose still unknown
lacking usual comforts
lent bothers me.

bothersome discomfort
pain and patterns revealed
holes become apparent
Jesus come and fill me.

lent bothers me,
and
this lent is good.

two moons

"as the two moons raced across the sky...creating double shadows..."
the image lingers in my mind.

the setting? mars

the book? martian chronicles by ray bradbury

yes...it is science-fiction.

no...i never would have read it on my own, but it was in the bathroom, and i have trouble resisting pages of print.

now we are reading it together.

"scott- does mars really have two moons?" i ask, knowing that despite the fact that i am teaching astronomy and he isn't, my science minded husband will know the answer.

"yes," he replies and then adds, "phobos and....deimos, which mean fear and dread."

this is marriage...the marriage of two minds, two people. completely different histories and interests, but the two met and enjoyed the gifts the other brought to the table.

pride and prejudice meets martian chronicles. instead of two lovers set in the victorian england, i (the reader) find myself amidst various astronauts venturing into the planet mars where the martians are highly unimipressed and uniterested in the proud men from a much less sophisticated planet called earth.

the similarities are greater than i ever suspected.

so now the histories become entangled, the interests merge. a love of reading takes a new wife into her virgin voyage of sci-fi where she finds not only a story, but sees her husband in greater dimensions.

i'll keep reading.

sweet evening

sweet evening
day's work complete
a meal made and shared
dinner dishes drying
time is ripe for picking

hands pass across the face
the moments wait for none
companion for life
so near we share this sacred space
yet at uneven pace

she eyes closing dreams begin
he wide awake, mind at work
but as dark falls toward sleep he goes
then she rises, woken within
soberly missing time with him

january evening
full of promise and light
for a moment the pause seems long
dusk's sun lingering
then into dark soon vanishing

on this last day of 2008

on friday afternoons before i leave school, i try to clean off the whiteboard in my 6th grade classroom. i don't just mean wipe it off, but actually clean it so that it gleams white and the new week can begin fresh the following monday. a new year feels like that to me. the old one with its laughable moments, delicious memories. tear streaked days, and ah-ha moments has finally come to an end. and instead of being mundane, the cycle of another year offers hope of trying again, and maybe getting a couple of things right this time aroud. someone sent the following questions my way along with thoughts toward goal setting as well. i think i need to start here.


REFLECTIONS:

In 2008

I learned to…trust God more and Scott too.

I grew most in…letting go of fear (though its mostly just the roots growing underground in this growth department, but growth none the less.)

Another way I saw myself growing was…seeing the futility of an ulitmatum.

One of my best adventures was…falling in love.

I saw/knew God was doing something when…the fear fell away and in the words of Sara Groves "something changed".

A real gift from God was…(is) the companionship of life together with Scott in marriage.

Something I really enjoyed doing more of was…kissing. ;)

One of the happiest memories of 2008 I’d like to freeze in my mind…so many to choose from! But I would have to say, (1) one of the happiest was walking into church on April 20th, and seeing Scott worship the Lord with all of his being. In that moment I knew that I desired to spend my life beside this man and no other.
(2) Walking down the aisle and back and seeing so many incredible people who have loved me throughout my life and who blessed Scott and I by coming to our wedding.

I was really brave when…???

Something I’ve grieved about this year was…the deep wounds my friend is bravely and honestly facing while holding on to hope.

I’m still trying to learn what God wants to teach me through this hard experience…attempting to make a difference in the life of a student severely below grade level.

The best word of advice or encouragement I can remember is…from a wise woman at my shower who has been married for 25+ years. She said, "When your husband says something that can be interpreted two ways, choose to interpret it the better way."

One thing I’m looking forward to in 2009 is…learning what it means to be a fun wife, hiking more often, and hopefully snowshoeing!

betting the farm

just over 2 weeks ago, scott and i vowed our lives to each other for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, till we are parted by death. weighty promises, as they should be. the wedding deserves its own post, but i can't seem to capture it in this space. it is set apart as a day when we found ourselves surrounded by all of these amazing people we call our friends, family and community, who came to stand with us as we made these vows, to witness our ceremony and to celebrate with us afterwards. pictures and words can only offer glimpses into the love, hope and blessing that i felt covered and surrounded by.

almost a year ago, i was still deeply weighing this decision to enter into a deeper relationship with scott. as i sought the wisdom of many friends, counselors and authors, one image took up residence in my mind. the author described marriage akin to "betting the farm", meaning that two people making such promises is a huge, risky jump into the unknown. further they went on to suggest that when making vows like those written above, no one can really know what they are promising to. the future remains uncertain. like betting the farm (one's entire life), the expansiveness of the endeavor can't be underestimated, however the people doing the betting had better have a pretty good idea that they are betting on something solid.

it was this idea that helped me realize that if i did want to enter into the realm of marriage, i too would have to take that jump. a few months later, God freed me from the fears holding me back and opened my eyes to see that indeed scott was the man with whom i wanted to "bet the farm". so bet we did, trusting that as we have jumped into the unknown, God will carry us.

showered!

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." -Mignon McLaughlin

two sunday afternoons ago, a few astounding women whom i consider it a gift to count among my friends showered me lavishly with beauty, delicious food, gifts, and time with so many people i love to celebrate my upcoming marriage to scott.
(below: jeanette, wendy, kira & heather)

family and friends surrounded me with their presence, laughter and conversation. my friend laura from church opened up her picturesque downtown victorian home to host the party, and the four hostesses thought of every detail.

the table was laden with gorgeous roses, savory bites of bruschetta, olives, various cheeses and crackers. and then i had to get a second plate to hold dessert! and the roses stole the show.

like the day, the weather gave its best warm fall showing with a clear blue colorado sky--truly idyllic.

for the sweet tooth, there were scones and cream, a mouth-watering italian lemon cake, tiered cupcakes and strawberries, and oh so much more. (above: lisa, laura & brooks)

family and friends surrounded me with love, words of wisdom and laughter. and then there were the gifts! i felt overwhelmed at the outpouring of things for my new home and life with scott...and for the fun gifts with which to enter marriage. what a gift to be so abundantly surrounded and upheld--i wouldn't want to enter a marriage any other way.

weddings bring not only two people, but two families together. here i am with my mom and my mom-to-be, scott's mom, nancy ott.

its so funny how at certain events or times in your life the rules change. at what other moment in your life do your friends throw you a party just to give you cute underwear? similarly, at a shower it is considered completely normal for friends and family to help you set up your home and kitchen for you! such moments are short lived, so i will relish in them.

sign reads: "Hope you have a good life with Scott.- Love, Abby"
(me too)

welcome to seattle

scott and i took our first trip together to seattle to see meet friend who are more like family than friends...kristy and todd. along the way, scott was introduced to washington as well.

todd, kristy, abby & wyatt took us to pike's market downtown. after delicious seafood at lowell's overlooking the sound, we walked to the original starbucks and did as one does in seattle- had some coffee. later we strolled around downtown, enjoying the views and taking a peek at the park where todd & kristy were engaged!
spice girls reunion- part 2. sarah caz welcomed holly & i to her cute westlake seattle abode. we enjoyed playing in the park and then a tasty lunch at her local diner on lake union. as mars hill student body prez and student, she keeps busy, but made time for us! thanks, caz!

holly. elliot & simon drove all the way from portland just to meet scott and hang out. elliot discovered free blackberries and simon realized that hydrangeas don't exactly taste great. (could these boys be any more like their mother?) can't wait to meet baby G!

later that afternoon, todd , kristy and the kids met us at the ferry where we enjoyed the sea breeze along the way to bainbridge island.
on bainbridge, we walked around the cute town, enjoyed more coffee, found a local shop that served fresh pasta and had dinner together. abby and her auntie bb drank in the beauty of the flowers in bloom everywhere - especially these gorgeous green hydrangeas.

"uncle scott" enjoyed his new role and fell in love with wyatt & abby, too. whoever knew this man was such a natural with little ones?

and our trip wouldn't have been complete without spending some time with kristy's wonderful parents, pam and george. they took us to lunch at steamer's in tacoma (yet again, on the water!) and we lingered by the seaside and at the park afterwards.

scott and i had a phenomenol time! being engaged made it sparkle, no doubt, but the time with old friends for me, and new for him was rich for us both. kristy & todd made us feel right at home even with a 6 week old new to their world.

the joy of being together everyday, great conversations with good friends, sweet kids and washington's beauty all added up to one of the best trips we've had.

thanks to each of you who made it so.

Engaged!

AP (Colorado Springs)

July 24th, 2008

Beth arrived home on Thursday afternoon to find a card waiting for her. Inside was a note from Scott which said that she had a 2pm appointment at a specified address. Curious and unsure, she drove to the address mentioned. Upon her arrival she discovered that her appointment was a massage and facial! What a treat!

After being pampered and totally relaxed, she headed home. She stepped into the kitchen to find these beautiful red roses and another card waiting for her.

The card held beautiful words and a sweet note written by Scott. At the end it said, "I'll see you at 6:30pm." So Beth dressed for dinner and a little while later, Scott arrived wearing his 3 piece suit!

Not wanting the mystery to end, Scott would not tell Beth where they were going to dinner until it became quite obvious that they were headed straight for the Broadmoor!

(The Broadmoor is a historical landmark in Colorado Springs that is also one of the loveliest hotel/resorts in the city. http://www.broadmoor.com/) They arrived at 7pm and everything was covered in evening sunlight. Hanging baskets and daylilies offered their blooms, swans glided across the lake and Scott ushered Beth through the gorgeous grounds to the South Tower where we headed up to the Penrose Room. The "Ott Party" was seated at a corner table by a wall of windows with a view of the lake and the mountains at sunset.

Once seated, Beth and Scott were treated like royalty. They were served a delicious and beautifully arranged 3 course dinner. Beth enjoyed the Colorado lamb, while Scott dined on filet mignon.

About two bites into dinner, the sunset became too brilliant to ignore and all kinds of light and color played on the mountains in front of them. Beth commented on the beauty God had made and to her surprise, Scott was suddenly on one knee.

Scott expressed his love for Beth and as he was talking opened a small white box which held a sparkling diamond ring. Then he asked her to marry him. She said, "Yes! With all my heart." The two were all smiles and the wait staff came by to congratulate them. After dinner the waiter said that the live jazz band would like to play them a song. Scott and Beth danced to "Come Away with Me" by Norah Jones and many other couples joined them. Then many of the guests clapped for and congratulated them.

Arriving back at their table, the waiter served this dessert! And Scott and Beth delighted in the celebration. The left the restaurant and took some time to walk around the lake, revelling in the fact that they would soon be starting life together!! After Scott brought Beth home, he thanked God for all that He had done in their lives to this point, and prayed for the days to come.

Beth was astounded at what a beautiful ring Scott chose for her that suits her so well.

Before leaving the Broadmoor, Scott and Beth took a few pictures on the balcony in the lamplight.

They are engaged!!!

the duty of liberty

i just finished part 3 of the john adams movie created by hbo based upon the biography with the same title by david mccullough.
http://www.hbo.com/films/johnadams/

wow.

i'm still feeling sick from the tumultous sea voyage from massachusettes to paris.

and for all of my idealism about conserving, writing letters with pen & paper, growing one's own food and not using the a/c, i found myself quite distressed by the vividly harsh realities of 1777 living, travel, illness and difficulty of communication. i feel incredibly thankful for warm houses, running water, airplanes that make international travel quick by comparison, email and telephones.

so far the mini-series has offered this beautiful portrayal of the love, friendship and mutual listening and respect between husband and wife through john and abigail adams. yet even this amazing love could not keep john from his duty to his country in the making. such duty which continued as he became the 2nd president of the United States of America.

as he said, "Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives."

obligation. duty. true patriotism.

duty seems such a foreign word to america now, and yet the founding fathers made immense sacrifices in its name. in his own words,

"I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain."

and here 200 years later i have such rights to study anything i may desire because men and women like john and abigail adams chose duty over their own personal interests. because great men used their power and influence to write lasting documents like the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution which speak of the equality of humankind and trust in a Sovereign God, my life and freedom are protected in numerous ways.

but i live with this gift and forget the sacrifice so many made on my behalf. i may take a few moments here or there to consider my government, especially in an election year, but feel little obligation.

i'm thankful for this reminder of the duty of liberty.
as i enjoy the benefits may i not forget the shedding of blood, prayer and tears that made it so.

read aloud

last night three friends and i gathered in a cozy, light-filled living room to enjoy the simple pleasure of one good book. and literally, just that. this was not a story acted on stage or adapted for screenplay, but instead a single copy of Little House on the Prarie by Laura Ingalls Wilder passed from person to person while the rest of us listened intently. together we were awed at the courage of the early settlers, savored the beautiful descriptions of the high prarie sights and sounds, grieved the loss of the Ingall's dog, Jack, and later delighted in his return. we laughed heartily at Ma's mild responses which conveyed so much more than she ever said, Pa's colloquialisms and Laura's curious questions.

my friend recently returned from a 2-week stint at l'Abri in minnesota where she "detoxed from all things electronic" and enjoyed the gentle rythm of work, study and community. while there, she enjoyed this simple form of evening entertainment and initiated this evening of a read aloud.

several hours and chapters later, i walked away enriched. enriched by the power of a story and the glimpse into lives lived well. unlike the end of a movie where the transition back to reality feels jolting, i easily slipped back into my own life and thoughts, though my imagination was awakened to beautiful scenes and images conjured up by simply good writing.

who knew all this could be found in a read aloud?

the 6th of july - for the love of freedom & fireworks

In Congress, July 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new guards for their future security — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. — The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States...."

(It continues on to list evidence of the King's injuries toward the colonies.)

With each passing year, I find great comfort that the writers of our Constitution found the fact "that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights" to be self-evident. I hope our nation continues to find them so. My Dad often reminded me of this with our annual front yard fireworks, folding of the flag and saying the pledge- hand over heart in the broad afternoon daylight to my teenage embarrassment. However, I now say the pledge with pride, thankful for the legacy my Dad gave me.

two of my favorite pyros getting us ready!

the joy of sparklers, even for those over 21

scott lighting up the street with a "ninja stick"

scott's roommate brandon -
the new statue of liberty?

scott, beth & kira celebrating freedom & fireworks-

making new traditions out of old ones.

das leben der anderen

like HGW XVII, i too found myself drawn into the life of east german playwright georg dreyman in "the lives of others" (2007 academy award winner for best foreign language film). although the fall of the berlin wall felt significant to me as a 7th grade student in 1989, raised amidst freedom and the abundance of questions, i hardly comprehend the life change brought about by the falling wall and the death of "1984" on november 9th, 1989.

"das leben der anderen" brought to my attention the harsh austerity and the exacting, lifeless existance of stasi infomers like captain gerd wiesler embedded in the secret world of the german secret police. in that world, trust seemed an impossibility. but amidst the normalcy of betrayal, trust surprisingly emerged. and out of lifelessness, hope quietly surfaced without glory or fame, and only a fingerprint to its name. though mercy may appear weak, it holds the power of redemption.

ye olde renaissance festival

the lord and lady

"cast in bronze" played his haunting 4 ton bell instrument,

one of only 5 like it in the world.

wilsom, the wild fire breather amazing us with his stunts

scott's friend kevin with scott & me

(fireball compliments of wilsom)

redeeming the word "wench", here dressed in her proper raiment.

According to Merriam-Webster, a wench is a young woman or female servant. Etymology: Middle English wenche, short for wenchel child, from Old English 14th C.

(but you won't catch me working in these lovely clothes!)

scott and i enjoying sunset in larkspur on the way home.

scott and his friends have enjoyed the colorado renaissance festival for many years, however this was my first time to experience the medieval day. the festival actually stays in larkspur for 6 weeks or so before moving on to other states that host as well. saturday was overcast, and though we would have loved a blue sky, the cloud cover cooled our day. scott introduced me to "mead", a honey beer that was quite tasty, steak on a stake, and the sights of the festival. whenever we went to a vendor, they would address us with an accented, "what would the lord and lady like?" and if a tip was given, a shout went up, "tip, tip!" and the other servers shouted along, "huzzah!" many visitors dress the part, and scott had encouraged me to try on an outfit, so i did. but we both like it so well, he offered it as a gift from the lord to the lady, and she accepted. there was plenty to watch and see- live stage acts, comedy, knights jousting and all kinds of shops. we took the scenic drive home and enjoyed the fading light as we drove through the meadows of larkspur. fun was had by all.

pied beauty

still revelling in today's beauty...

colorado's late june garden.
sunny saturday afternoon.
bare feet greeted by freshly cut grass.
peonies, dahlias, & columbine- splashes of beauty and color.
a shady cottonwood tree dappling all that rests beneath its canopy.
a slight breeze whispering in the aspen.
a wooden swing beckoning beneath.
two enjoying the comfort of each other.
talking, laughing, quietness, rest.

surely this must reflect eden.
to dwell in the beauty of a garden nourishes my soul.
thank you Father and Creator of all.

sitting beneath the slowly changing dappled light, hopkin's words come to mind.

Pied Beauty

GLORY be to God for dappled things—

For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;

For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;

Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;

Landscape plotted and pieced—fold, fallow, and plough;

And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.

All things counter, original, spare, strange;

Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)

With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;

He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:

Praise him.

Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–89). Poems. 1918.

romantic notions

these words caught my eye some time ago, and despite the fact that the words sound like something quoted from the pages of seventeen magazine (or at least what might have been written in seventeen when i was was a teenager), i simply agreed. the words ring true and call out for a modern chivalry all too easily dismissed. but somewhere along the way, such romantic notions seemed impractical, and hope waned.

the words read-

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who thinks you are just as pretty without make-up on, who holds your hand in front of his friends; wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

reading these words again tonight, i realized that they are no longer wishful words written on scrap paper in my quote folder. these words hold wisdom that i now i know to be much more than mere idealism or romantic notions.

my word to the waiting women- hold onto hope.

summer, finally

its funny how strongly i internally reacted when people would ask, "so what are you doing with your summer?" such a seemingly innocent question to a teacher who so obviously has a summer break endlessly stretching before her. and yet, to this first year teacher, its as though i've been swimming underwater and finally have the chance to come up for air. what am i doing with my summer? i'm hoping to breathe, rest, enjoy green grass, blue skies and warm sunshine, take long walks and bike rides, see people i love, and revel in the freedom of absolutely no grading or paperwork.

not that i don't love teaching, actually i find immense joy in opening up the minds of 11 and 12 year olds to shakespeare's plays and other great stories! i find delight in helping them become better writers and answering question after question in science. the growth that happens over the course of 9 and 1/2 months, and the ways my students learn to reach out to others that might be different from themselves are windows into the mystery of life and the heart within each one of us. i walked away a little wiser, hoping to begin my second year with a few changes, but also thankful for this year and those 18 who allowed me to teach them and taught me quite a bit as well.

two weeks ago i said good-bye to my first American class, and i shed more than a few tears. we spent a year together, and i had grown to love each one. i felt like i had a glimpse into the heart of a parent those last few days of school- caring so deeply for each child, and knowing that they didn't have the capacity to understand the depth of my love for them, nor the ability to return it. just a few days later i received my class list for next year, but it was too soon. although my heart wasn't ready yet for these 21 new lives, i spent some time pouring over the list and beginning to wonder about and pray for them. i began to be overwhelmed by the needs and knowing i am simply one person, one teacher among many they will have in their lifetime, and that a year is a relatively short period of time to bring about significant changes.

but in that moment i sensed God encouraging me to put the list away. it is a thing of tomorrow, not today. "don't worry about how you'll teach those kids next year, when the time comes I will help you," He said. its as though i was asking for manna for august while its still june. so i gave the list of 21 to Him. i pray for some of the names, knowing a few of the challenges that i may face, but i keep asking God to hold them for now. i want to live in today, receiving and knowing His mercy is enough for today.

and it is summer finally, both with work and the weather, and this too is His mercy.

friends who go the distance

better known as the "spice girls" dating back to our freshmen biola days, the other four (unbeknownst to me) planned to come out to colorado to speak into my life and demonstrate their care for me. at the last minute 2 of the 4 couldn't make it, but jena and caz made their way to the chilly springs and three days was hardly enough to catch up and express our thoughts on life, blogging and inerrancy. we managed a skype video chat (thanks to scott) with t and nix, and holly was significantly missed. thankful hardly begins to express my gratitude at the gift of their intention, presence, listening ears and gifts of words and encouragement that weekend.

all my love, ginger